2008-04-14

A New [Censored] Hope

I wrote my first screenplay in the tenth grade. I wrote the first screenplay i got paid actual real money for a few years after that, and have been bashing away at trying to expand my knowledge of screenwriting and its peculiar art and craft ever since then. However, this particular approach never occurred to me.


Reading the article, i’m overwhelmed by the sudden reimagining of so many of the classic scripts that were the source of so much of my own understanding of the form…


EXTERIOR: SURFACE OF THE DEATH STAR.

The three TIE fighters zoom down the Death Star trench in pursuit of Luke, never breaking formation.

INTERIOR: LUKE'S COCKPIT.

Luke looks anxiously at the exhaust port. He’s fucked. He knows it.

INTERIOR: DARTH VADER'S COCKPIT.

Vader's targeting computer swings around into position. Vader takes careful aim, ready to take Luke's X-wing fighter right up the ass.

VADER: I have you now.

He pushes the fire buttons.

EXTERIOR: SURFACE OF THE DEATH STAR.

The three TIE fighters move in on Luke. As Vader's center fighter unleashes a volley of laserfire, one of the TIE ships at his side is hit and FUCKING EXPLODES!

INTERIOR: LUKE'S X-WING FIGHTER -- COCKPIT.

Luke looks around -- Who the fuck is out there?

INTERIOR: DARTH VADER'S COCKPIT.

Vader is shitting bricks as he looks out from his cockpit.

VADER: What?

INTERIOR: MILLENNIUM FALCON -- COCKPIT.

Han and Chewbacca grin from ear to fucking ear.

2008-04-11

Life is Good

Some days, it’s hard to remember that life is good.

Some days, one finds oneself forced to question whether the effort is worth it. Some days, work is an insurmountable maze of ever-cycling deadlines and blank pages that refuse to get filled. Some days, home is a semi-spastic morass of laundry piling up and gardening that needs doing and mice chewing their way into the basement and dying in the furnace ducts. Some days, the world is a fairly fucked up Gordian Knot of death and deception and dismay.

Some days, your daughter is home sick from school.

Some days, you discover an excuse to forget all the other shit for a while.

Some days, you curl up on the couch alongside your sick daughter home from school with a large jug of orange juice, then you watch an entire season of Scrubs back to back.

Some days, it’s easy to remember that life is good.

2008-04-01

Fool Me Once


Nobody loves a good April Fool’s joke more than me. Actually, most people probably love a good April Fools’ joke more than me, because i hate April’s Fool’s jokes.

This, however, is very cool. And with Terry Jones and everything.

Once our civilization falls and alien archivists get to root around through the crumbling remnants of our vast media archives, they’re going to have absolutely no freaking idea what was going on.