Crazy from the Heat

In my office in the back corner of the house, it’s currently 5,000 degrees. I’m not sure whether that’s Fahrenheit or Celsius, as the thermometer melted about an hour ago, and what with the ever-present haze of smoke from the contents of my bookshelves spontaneously going up in flames, it was kind of hard to see it anyway.

Here’s a confession. I absolutely freaking loathe this weather (34+ degrees today, yesterday, the day before, etc., etc., etc.). I hate the heat. I have always hated the heat. I will always hate the heat. At some point very soon, i’m going to take a picture of the view from the sliding glass doors, than blow that up and place it where the sliding glass doors used to be after i’ve replaced them with three feet of R90 fiberglass and an industrial air conditioner so strong that it blows the iMac off my desk if i’m not holding it down.

My ideal summer weather is 25 degrees with a light crosswind. Some cloud cover would come in from about 4 o’clock every afternoon (so i don’t get that annoying glare off my screen and have to get up and close the blinds) to 7:30 (so i can still catch the sunset). I keep calling Environment Canada with my order, but they continue to get it wrong. I suspect they must be outsourcing Customer Service to someplace where this sort of heat is normal. Hell, for instance. It would explain the smell of brimstone coming off the lake, at least.