It’s All About Me

Whenever I’m the first person on my block to get my garbage can out to the curb on garbage day, my first thought is that I’ve somehow lost track of what day it is.

My second thought is that the reason I’ve lost track of the day is because I’m living in some Philip K. Dick dystopia where time and reality are folding in around me under the direction of alien intelligences that have singled me out for scrutiny and contact.

My third thought is, “No, wait; I see another can out at the end of the block."