Crazy from the Heat

In my office in the back corner of the house, it’s currently 5,000 degrees. I’m not sure whether that’s Fahrenheit or Celsius, as the thermometer melted about an hour ago, and what with the ever-present haze of smoke from the contents of my bookshelves spontaneously going up in flames, it was kind of hard to see it anyway.

Here’s a confession. I absolutely freaking loathe this weather (34+ degrees today, yesterday, the day before, etc., etc., etc.). I hate the heat. I have always hated the heat. I will always hate the heat. At some point very soon, i’m going to take a picture of the view from the sliding glass doors, than blow that up and place it where the sliding glass doors used to be after i’ve replaced them with three feet of R90 fiberglass and an industrial air conditioner so strong that it blows the iMac off my desk if i’m not holding it down.

My ideal summer weather is 25 degrees with a light crosswind. Some cloud cover would come in from about 4 o’clock every afternoon (so i don’t get that annoying glare off my screen and have to get up and close the blinds) to 7:30 (so i can still catch the sunset). I keep calling Environment Canada with my order, but they continue to get it wrong. I suspect they must be outsourcing Customer Service to someplace where this sort of heat is normal. Hell, for instance. It would explain the smell of brimstone coming off the lake, at least.



I'm extraordinarily annoyed to discover that it's the middle of August already, and so i’m spending long days in meditation seeking some secret metaphysical insight that will allow the summer holidays to seem as long as they used to when i was a kid. Either that or i’m just going to sue some calendar company, i don't know.


Several Thousand Words

So Colleen (significant other) hails from the very tiny town of Lillooet, BC, [link] once famous for being the start of the Cariboo Trail during the gold rush days, but more famous recently for the following.

I’m not normally much into the aesthetics of tragedy and destruction, but even i have to admit that that all looks pretty freaking amazing.

Colleen’s mom and dad still live in Lillooet; which is to say, they’ve been living with us for a little while because the town was evacuated for obvious reasons. That evacuation order was lifted on Friday, so they’ve since headed back. They’re still on notice, but the fire is “under control”; which is to say, still capable of destroying the town, but if it does, it’ll take its time. As far as life-threatening disasters go, i myself am in full favor of those that move at relatively slow speeds. Swarms of killer turtles. That sort of thing.


Not Funny

I was thinking of my good friend Matt (yo, dude) because Matt’s a bit of an Adam Sandler fan, and for the very first time ever in my life, i saw an Adam Sandler film today.

I don't mean "for the very first time ever in my life, i saw an Adam Sandler film in the theater”, or “i paid to see an Adam Sandler film" (though both are true in this case). I mean i've managed to avoid seeing any other Adam Sandler film up to now, in any form. (Though i admit, it was touch and go for You Don't Mess With the Zohan. I suspect the trailer was probably better, though.)

Funny People would have been a better film if it had a) been about actual people, which is to say, characters; and b) been funny. Based on how much of the film appears to be improvised, i’m half-guessing that the process by which this thing came together was one of those scenarios where everybody comes up with random bits of outrageous humor and crazy sight gags and things they’ve always wanted to do on film but never had the chance and they all say “Hey, we can pull all these disparate bits together and it’ll make a cool story!”

Actually, no. No, it won’t.

I’m a very-late-to-the-party huge fan of Freaks and Geeks, which does a better job transcribing my own life to film story than i ever could. But i haven’t seen a single other thing that has Judd Apatow’s name anywere near it that could hold my interest for a full two hours. It’s weird how someone can demonstrate such an incredible grasp of subtle character story, and then lose all apparent interest in telling character story. I’d love to be that much of a failure someday, if only to be able to prove to myself that i was that successful at some point previously.


Dynamic Duo

I’m a huge fan of Alice Cooper and an equally huge fan of British comedy duo the Two Ronnies, both of which (which is to say, all three of which) carried a significant responsibility for keeping me mostly sane through the high school years. Thus it was that i tripped across the following with some amusement.

However, amused or otherwise, when i see things like this, i always feel equal parts of excitement ("Hey, Ronnie Corbett and Alice Cooper are doing a commercial!") and despair ("Why are Ronnie Corbett and Alice Cooper reduced to doing commercials?") From when i was much younger, i remember seeing actors and musicians that i really liked on shows like Merv Griffin and Mike Douglas and thinking "Hey, this is cool!" It was only much, much later that i realized that actors and musicians only did shows like that if their careers were in a death spiral that they were unlikely to ever pull out of.

If you’re a fan of British comedy but are too young to actually know who Ronnie Corbett is, this will be of no help.



The act of deceiving and the act of believing are simply different flexings of the same mental muscle. We push against reality to ascertain what’s real and what’s not, but when we do so, whichever side we push against reality from, reality pushes back with the exact same pressure of its own. So it is that the more we want to believe, the more the world is revealed as lies.